Ender's 5th and 6th spoofs

[{Jedi}Ldr.Ender]

Random Scene: Ender asking for directions

“Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.”
Luke snarled, “He told me enough. He told me you killed him!”
“No son...................I am your father.”
Luke, “No......it’s not true............THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”
Vader, “Search your feelings, you know it to be true!”
Luke, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!”
Ender, “Excuse me? I think I’m slightly lost, I’m looking for the Flying Dutchman....” “Join me, Luke, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son. Join me, it is the only way....AH WTH.” Vader turns around to see what slapped him on the cheeks, and saw a dude with blonde hair wearing what looked like a black bathrobe with an obnoxiously large smile on his face.
Ender, “HI THERE! Now that I have your attention, I’m looking for...”
Vader, “Wth was that for? I have a red mark on I disagree now!”
Ender hides the bat behind himself, “Um, sorry I was trying to brush a fly off your back...”
“WITH A STEEL CLUB?!!?!?!” Enders nearly fell off the rail from vader’s awesomeness. “What? Oh THIIIIIS...” Ender laughs rather nervously, throws the bat over, and throws his hands up. “How did that get there...?”
Vader turns on his lightsaber
“Well um, I offer my most sincere apology...”
Vader takes one step forward.
“Um, yeah...um.....yeah if you could be so kind as to tell me where I could find...?” Vader raised the lightsaber above his head. “OMGOSH LOOK A DISTRACTION OVER THERE SEE IT?”
Vader turns around, and when he turns back, All he saw was a streak that looked curiously similar to a guy running with his hands up in the air screaming like a little girl.
“Noob,....anyways...” he turned to find that Luke was already gone.
“omg H@x0r!”

[{Jedi}Ldr.Ender]

Scene V: Tigeress travels to {Jedi} Palace

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY LIMOSUINE?!?” fumed Tigeress, looking with contempt at the horse and carriage prepared for her departure to the {Jedi} palace so she can establish her evident superiority and importance that few can deny without being slapped to death over there, “I am Queen! And I demand my air-conditioned space, laptop, free pizza...”
“We were unable to acquire any of the above items listed my Queen” said masterjedi anxiously “If I could sacrifice my life for your leisure, I would do so without the slightest hesitation...”
“WHERE IS MY LIMOSUINE?!!!?!”
“We believe that Ender is currently using it..”
“Wth how did he get it?!”
“I think the narrator gave it to him.” steam begins to visibly form around tigeress’s ear. “but don’t worry my queen! These are the finest horses in all of QRA!”
“Someone is going to pay...dearly”
MasterJedi tries to look somewhere else, but couldn’t look anywhere without seeing the steam growing larger.

Later...

Moving at a pace of 5 miles an hour, the Queen sits in her carriage cursing Ender, the narrator, and most importantly, her lack of phone service.
“Omg How can I hold 17 conversations at once if I can’t use my cell phone this is outrageous I..” An old tractor chugs away, passing by the carriage “... am being neglected and as your queen I demand your perfect attention to all my needs I...” A 1920 Rolls Royce nearly crashes into the carriage “...shall order ender to give me my limousine back, and idc if he has more power than me I...” a little 7 year old kid rolls by on a scooter “...shall rip siths thoat out for insulting my race I...” Ewok waves as he drives by in his 2006 Jaguar XK Convertible “...expect the narrator to fall on his knees begging for my forgiveness or I shall slap him I...” This goes on for several hours, to the “happiness” of MasterJedi.

Arriving at the {Jedi} Castle...MUCH later...

“...Shall have everyone in the {Jedi} Realm give me chocolate for not giving me enough polish remover I...”
MasterJedi: “My Queen...”
Tigeress: “...Corran will see to it that I have everything I need once I get to the castle or someone’s gonna pay I...”
MasterJedi: “My Queen we have arrived”
Tigeress: “...slap him till he’s red in the face OH WE ARE good I’m getting sick of listening to you talk you never shut up”
MasterJedi: Yes my queen, I am relieved that you will not have to suffer the burden anymore.”
Tigeress: “Where is my royal escort?!”
MasterJedi: We never asked for one
Tigeress: I should not HAVE to!
Masterjedi: Here comes predalien and ganner...
Tigeress: Where is Ender I’m more important than anything he needs to do I demand his presence!
Ganner: He’s not here
Tigeress: Then I demand corran!
Predalien: He’s assemblying the army against Sith
Tigeress: yes that’s almost as important as me I want to destroy sith for what he said about me but he must do it over here where I am I will not move from this carriage until I have a proper escort!
Ganner whispers to Pred: I’ve never seen someone talk so fast before
Tigeress: WELL?
MasterJedi suddenly became interested in something that required him to move VERY far away from the carriage.
Ganner whispered to pred, then says, “Wait here for a minute, we’ll check back with you in a sec.”
“Don’t make me wait too long” warned tigeress, holding up a sign with “-.-“ on it.

Corran’s headquarters:

“She has the maturity of a 5 year old with ADD/HD” Glowered Ganner as he told corran what happened. Predalien just sat there partly amused at the whole thing.
Corran raised an eyebrow, “isn’t that something you should have expected ? Anyways, it’s very easy to fix this problem.” He goes to the computer and types “Tigeress has entered the room” Corran laughs, “I love how chat works in the real world.”
“WTF how did I get here I demanded an escort not to be forcibly moved I will-“
“TIGERESS, now is not the time.” Said predalien and corran at once. Tigeress gaped, lost for words at having been interrupted and ordered all in one day, let alone at once, and by 2 people on top of it.
Corran recovered himself before pred, “I’ve made the preparations and assembled the army, the soldiers now need to hear what you have to say.”
“I’m more important...”
“Tigeress, this army was assembled FOR you” Corran lied, “Our intelligence reported that sith has indeed insulted you and we have made your revenge our first priority. We need you to tell the soldiers that you acknowledge them.” Predlalien and ganner gaped at corran. Allcaps, who was standing close by, was trying to hold in his laughter.
Tigeress said gleefully, “Oh, I LOVE YOU CORRAN! I knew that at least you cared enough to fulfill my needs =)” *MasterJedi chokes*. Tigeress kisses corran on the cheek, “I shall inform the army immediately.” She runs to the barracks, demanding every guard she passed to escort her.
Allcaps was already on the floor laughing. Ganner looked at corran, “Why in God’s name did you do that?”
Corran shrugged, “Guess you’re not old enough to understand.”
“wtf yes I am”
Corran, “sorry, narrator’s being lazy again ^.^”
Ganner: ...

[{Jedi}Ldr.Ender]

Scene VI: Sith at Nightmare Lake

“Omg wtf is up with this land? I’ve never tried to conquer any land as F***ed up as this one!” Sith was at the pedal trying to make the Galleon ship go faster. After escaping the QRA palace they had been avalanched by a mountain of angry ewoks, narrowly escaping with his “invincible” and “undefeatable” army. After reaching a jungle, They had had the unfortunatcy of being the first to meet not only Bigfoot, but his uncle, his aunt, his grandparents...Didn’t take them very long to start running from a horde of insanely large monkeys. After that they had nearly been massacred by Dora the Explorer when she mistakened Sith for a 6 year old kid having a temper tantrum (he was screaming at the stupidity of his soldiers) and started doing sing-alongs. Few survived this horrific episode. They bearly reached reached Lake Nightmare, and were now sailing away in fear of the man-eating Telly Tubbies, who only wanted to play hide and seek.

Sith was not having a good day

Soldier: “Um my evil Dark Lord highness...w/e, I have some news that will cheer you up.
Sith: “YESSS!!!!!!! I knew it! The circle is now complete, not all hope is gone, we still have a chance. When did Tigeress and Corran die, my mercenaries will be well rewarded for their loyal services...”
Soldier: “Oh, both assassins failed, I just wanted to say that the pizza was here.”
Sith: “wtf how?”
Soldier: “They’re having a row boat come with the pizza guy...”
Sith: “NO I MEAN HOW COULD THEY POSSIBLY HAVE FAILED?!!”
Soldier: “Oh, well the one who was going to assassinate tigeress got ran over by a 2006 Jaguar XK Convertible. And the one that was about to kill Corran during a {Jedi} meeting got hit in the face by a thrown ewok and plunged 8 stories from a window to his death. I hope they remembered to order extra cheese...”
Sith’s hand kept jerking to his knife as the soldier talked. If he had been in a good mood he would have already stabbed him. Must...remain...calm.
And this was Sith when he was calm, “Get me a large triple cheese or I will rip off your testicles and make you use them to wash the deck.”
“Um, sure thing boss.”
Sith turns his head foreshadowingly towards the open waters in a manner that the narrator is far too lazy to go into any extensive detail in.
They will come to me, thought sith, I am one of the finest ship captains, my strength is on the sea, I will let them come to me.
The Telly tubbies get bored and start trashing sith’s elegant robes that they stole while he was taking a shower.

[javetta]

Lol, Ewok took out both assassins...

[qraallcaps]

BAHAHAHA, im not gona read this twice, im just say wat i put pon the jedi forums. THAT WAS AWESOME, i didnt get instalted!!! w00t!!
that was good ender, ur really are a dude, and ur where al specific like the kind of car and the height of the building

[Former Guard's Master- Ewok]

yes i took out both assassins, and accidently, the way victory normally comes to me

[Former Guard's Master- Ewok]

btw, my map tht i made has a Jedi palace, and QRA palace

[{Jedi}Ldr.Ender]

actually you skillfully planned that out, well at least the one going after tigeress

[Queen~Tigeress]

[=QRA=~Master.Gânnèr~]

TIGERESS!?! I haven't seen you FOREVER!!!